Being a parent is hard. It just is. No matter what your situation or how your family is built, you are certainly facing challenges. My oldest son was talking about his 2 year old step-niece being a brat the other day and had the preteen audacity to say, “Her parents are doing a horrible job.” Obviously there’s a lot of back-story here that I’m not going to get fully in to, but I had to address his comment immediately. “First of all, honey, I know that you are just repeating something you heard, but you still need to know something. Being a parent….it’s really, really hard. And everyone has opinions about whether you’re doing something right or wrong. But please…PLEASE don’t ever say that someone who is trying hard is a BAD parent. That is one of the most hurtful and insulting things you could ever call a person.” He nodded like he understood, but of course he didn’t. And he won’t. Not until he has kids of his own and feel the pressure to be the perfect parent.
I am constantly keeping score on my mental “Mom Card” each day:
Made a healthy breakfast for all 3 kids = +1
Only had stale bread for lunch sandwiches = -1
Made sure middle son was wearing a coat in the snow = +1 …but he left the house in tears because he hates outerwear = -2
Got dinner in the crockpot so we could eat a healthy meal after basketball but before Boy Scouts = +3 ….but only 2 of the kids liked what I made and one went to bed early for a bad attitude = -2
Made it to the gym, Costco, and got everything put away before lunch = +10 ….but didn’t get the little one down for her nap early enough, so we only had time for 1 book and I had to wake her up too soon to get to the basketball game in time and now she’s crabby…and probably won’t like what I made for dinner = – 203
And so on, and so on.
Then there’s the comparisons to other parents. I thought I was doing well with the little notes I was scribbling on the kids sandwich bags (the rock-hard bread makes it easy to write on). Then I saw this – http://distractify.com/default-category/dad-makes-art-on-sandwich-bags-with-sharpies/ – and realized how much better other people were doing it. I can barely read my own writing, let alone incorporate the bread holes into a Picasso replica. Also, when I asked my middle kid if he was enjoying my little daily affirmations, he had no idea that I’d been doing it. Sigh. -5 (Not just for being grossly outdone, see…but for raising an unobservant child.)
So today, I decided to write about something I found that made me feel like a good mom, if only for a moment. A rarity that needed to be captured. For Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t sure what to do for my kiddos. I’m getting super tired of little gifts that I buy just for the sake of giving them SOMEthing, that just end up going to Goodwill, the landfill, or clogging up my vacuum. I hate %99 of all the crappy, sugar and artificial color candy out there and knew they’d come home from school with enough of that anyway. Then I remembered the project I intended to do for them at Christmas time, but didn’t get around to…and yes, I beat myself up about that, too.
I had bought some large picture frames at Ross that weren’t very expensive but were nice and plain. I found some scrapbooking supplies that reminded me of each kiddo. Soccer for the boys, music for the oldest, legos and tractors for the middle and butterflies for the littlest. I decorated each one with their names (the blurred out part) and then printed on coordinating paper “We Love You Because….” and put that where the picture would go. Then I got them some dry erase markers and the gift was complete. Inexpensive, from the heart, and with a purpose.
(It should be noted that I started making these at 9:15 the night before Valentine’s Day. I finished at 1:30am. For those keeping score, I awarded myself points for dedication, but still ended up in the negatives for such incredible procrastination.)
The kids really liked them. In fact, they came home from school, grabbed the markers and spent about an hour coloring on them together. Total bonus score – I didn’t see that coming. Really, my goal was to make a point of writing a message to them every night. Well, then my oldest son went to his dad’s for the weekend, and the littles didn’t pay much mind to checking them in the morning, and there was a holiday, so I didn’t do it. Yup, I was off to a great start. – 32
Then last night, everything fell into place. The kids went to bed so nicely and everyone, including my husband, was asleep by 9:30. Laying on the floor in front of me (on the dirty carpet -8, next to the scattered kids books -4 and a dirty pair of little socks -2) were the boards and markers. I sat looking at each one and smiling, ignoring the mess. It took me a long time to come up with something to scribble down, not because of any kind of writers block….but I had SO MANY GOOD THINGS I wanted to say to them. Finally, I committed ink to glass and put their boards where they would find them in the morning (not hung up in their rooms yet -1). I cleaned up the living room and went to bed feeling….content.
That one simple thing made me realize…I’m doing okay. I’m doing the very best I can. I love my kids more than anything and I do my best to show that to them everyday in lots of different ways. Some they will notice, and know to look for (like on the wall, where I eventually hang their gifts). Other gestures will probably dawn on them later in life. There are going to be days where my best attempts fail. There will be days that I probably don’t even make the all attempts I should have. I know for certain there will be times I forget, or fall asleep and their boards will be blank. They know I adore them anyway – and that’s what is really important. Even if I didn’t recreate a masterpiece (how does he DO that!) in their lunches. Or I forced them into a jacket and made a dinner they didn’t enjoy.
They will always know how loved they are. +1000
Who The Hell Am I 